Staying Connected with Siblings When Living in Different Cities
This is a challenging topic. Sometimes, when students head off to college, they may not be on the best terms with their siblings, especially if they’re close in age. The teenage years are notoriously chaotic when it comes to relationships and showing family love in general. So, if you have two teenagers, with one staying at home and one off at college, you may be trying to help them build a relationship they can maintain into the future.
We had the opposite issue with our girls. They’re twins who hung out with the same friend group throughout high school and celebrated all their milestones together, including graduation, school events, and, of course, birthdays.
Whether you’re trying to encourage a stronger relationship between your children or help them sustain the great relationship they already have, here are some ideas to help them stay connected.
· Start a group chat including both (or all) of them, and periodically share things they can both relate to. For example, both of our girls love the Houston Astros. So, I share stories and memes that they can both enjoy and comment on, encouraging a relationship between them.
· When there’s a family weekend at college, try to get the entire family there, not just mom and dad. One of our twins has a fall family weekend, and the other has a spring family weekend. We’re trying to switch off years, bringing them to each other’s events to encourage a full family bonding experience, but also independent sibling bonding. During these weekends, the visiting twin stays in the sorority house or apartment with the other twin to give them some one-on-one bonding.
Have a regular family Facetime where everyone in the family participates.
Though this one is hard, encourage them to have their own, independent relationship from the family relationship. Our girls SnapChat often, just with each other, and Facetime without mom and dad involved. They can have private conversations that you, the parents, aren’t privy to. And make sure you stay out of it – let them have that private relationship.
Let them work through arguments and misunderstandings on their own. This was a difficult one for me, a very involved mom. But with them both technically being adults and in the “learning to adult” phase of their lives, it’s important for them to learn to work out differences together.
If it’s reasonable and possible, let them spend time alone together in the college student’s environment. This allows the college-aged student to learn a sense of responsibility for their sibling, plus allowing the siblings to bond without having mom and dad over their shoulders.
We have a unique opportunity, as the owners of a care package company, to provide a bonding activity for them to participate in across the miles. We send both girls the same care package, then let them talk to each other about what they like the best. It’s a great conversation starter for them.
Like with everything in life, the key is communication. Encourage your kids to have an independent relationship outside of the family unit. To do this, they must communicate often and with just each other.