Does Your Student Want Advice or Just Need to Vent? Sometimes You Just Gotta Say, “What the Duck?!?”

Your student calls with a dilemma. Maybe she has four major tests in the same week. Maybe her schedule isn’t working out and her advisor doesn’t have a good solution. Maybe she’s having a difficult disagreement with her roommates.

It’s nice to know that our kids still look to their parents for advice and comfort in these situations because so many life experiences are  new to our college students, and they don’t always know how to deal with conflicts. As parents, we feel equipped to try to help them using our own experiences and history… to help guide them through their issues. After all, we have experienced similar situations and come through the other side. But our students aren’t always looking for advice. Sometimes they just need an ear to listen.

In our defense, we’ve been “helping” all their lives. So, it can be hard to step back and just listen. But that’s often exactly what they need – an ear and some empathy.

If you want your student to keep coming to you with problems, you must learn to bite your tongue when THEY need it, even if spilling your guts would make YOU feel better. If your student says, “I don’t know what to do,” don’t assume they’re looking for advice. You can ask if they’d like a few ideas, or to brainstorm solutions together. If they say yes, great! Share your experience and advice. If they say no, or seem otherwise undecided, it’s time to stop trying to fix things and just empathize.

Ask my daughters and they’ll tell you I’m not the best at stepping back and biting my tongue, but I do try! I also know I’m super guilty of this potentially annoying thing – sharing my own experience to show my kids how it all worked out for me. It’s a great way to relate but can go terribly awry. If you do it too often, it may seem like you’re turning the tables and making it about yourself, not about them. They’ve called to vent in a safe place, but then feel like you flipped the issue to be about you. Do this too much and they may stop reaching out, which is the last thing we all want.

Here are some tips to help you determine when it’s time to just listen and not be the fixer you’re accustomed to being. https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-not-give-advice#active-listening

If your student isn’t looking for advice, just a pep talk, a fun way to let them know you’re thinking of them and empathizing with them by sending them our hilarious “What the Duck?!?” box. It’s a cute way to bring some levity to a serious situation. It contains a cute plush duck, a “What the Duck” mug, rubber duckies, a duck nightlight, a “What the Duck” sticker for their water bottle, and more cute duckie items. It’s one of our most popular boxes and can bring a smile to the face of any recipient who is facing a frustrating situation.  

And while we’re at it, trying to bite our tongues, we just may need to say, “What the Duck?!?” ourselves!!